


Solus

by xXBlonde__BanditXx



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, M/M, Sadness, Sorry Not Sorry, first post i dont know what im doing, help this hurts my heart to an amazing extent, ouch sadness, our favourite lonely bookworm, poor bby angel shota, sorry if i made u sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 12:08:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,661
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1898436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXBlonde__BanditXx/pseuds/xXBlonde__BanditXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Armin has been kicked off Squad Levi.</p><p>Now convinced that he is solely useless, he spends his time dwelling in his grandfather's childhood home.</p><p>Until, of course, an unexpected visit prompts him to write to his far-away friends, since it is Eren's birthday, after all. </p><p>He didn't know what to expect when he received Eren's response letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solus

**Author's Note:**

> Additional chapters soon to come, if it gets positive feedback. I'm sorry for minor grammar issues!
> 
> I tried really hard on this, so I really really really hope you like it. ovo;
> 
> You can find it on my dA: MaybeMC.
> 
> Uhm, anyways, Solus is latin for 'only' or 'alone'
> 
> poor thing.
> 
> This story is inspired by this song by Kodaline, 'All I Want.'
> 
> All I want is nothing more  
> To hear you knocking at my door  
> 'Cause if I could see your face once more  
> I could die a happy man I'm sure
> 
> When you said your last goodbye  
> I died a little bit inside  
> I lay in tears in bed all night  
> Alone without you by my side
> 
> Enjoy. uvu~

When he was younger, he used to have to beg his grandfather for cookies from the dolphin cookie jar. Somehow when they were stored there, they seemed magical the next day. He never knew the secret behind the dolphin cookie jar, but if there was one thing he’d learned, it’s that the cookies didn’t taste as good overnight compared to when his grandfather was there to make them. 

It kind of seemed like the magic left with him. 

He crunched the baked dough with his teeth, using his elbows to keep him on the counter. After years and years, he still couldn’t grow tall enough for it to become level with his waist, and he still had trouble reaching it. But he took this to his advantage currently, swinging his legs back and forth and inventing yet another game to pass the time. 

He stared over at the empty walls of the dining area, paint peeled and floors cracked. He didn’t mind them, even if they did creak increasingly loud as he stepped over them from day to day. Yes, he occasionally got splinters, but it was nothing serious, he quickly reminded himself.

He had been in much, much worse pain before. 

He shook his head and took another bite, washing down the last one with cold milk. He wiped the remnants off with his sleeve, sighing as he finally touched the cold wooden floor with his bare feet. 

He lived here alone now, ever since Squad Levi had dropped him. 

He knew it was just a matter of time, really. They only needed him for one expedition, and that was the body double excursion. He glanced downwards, remembering the incident. It hadn’t turned out as planned, according to Levi, and as soon as they returned with him, they sent him back into wall Rose and told him to move on.

Upon hearing the news, Eren and Mikasa comforted him, wiping his tears and spending their last night laughing about good ol’ times together. He cheered up then, and in the heat of the moment, grabbed Eren’s hand. The two had then weaved their fingers together, like they always did when they were kids. 

He wasn’t sure what it meant, but Eren stared at him for a while after that.

He gave him a look of ‘I want to tell you something so bad, and I’ve been wanting to say it forever.’

And yet, Eren never said anything the entire night that met the above criteria. He was just sort of edgy, nervous, anxious, even – and he acted like he wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

This had no doubt hurt Armin emotionally, but he just smiled and laughed like he didn’t care. 

He was sort of relieved that Eren didn’t say anything, although he was still immensely disappointed. Whenever Eren would just talk to him his heart would swell in a way he couldn’t explain, and he just pinned it as what friendship was. 

He had looked up to Eren for so long, but the more time they spent together, Armin realized that it wasn’t that he wanted to be like Eren, it was just-

He wanted to be with Eren.

Forever.

Just three friends against the whole world. It sounded like something out of a novel, a fast-paced adventure genre. And he liked that. He wanted that to be the case. 

But he wasn’t good enough. 

No matter how much he pushed himself, or how hard he tried, he could never be as good as Eren, and no one could in the whole squad could hold a candle to Mikasa. He was the misfit of the team, and Levi soon realized that, he supposed. 

Without the normal happiness and cheerfulness Armin usually radiated throughout the day, he got up from the counter and strode down the hallway. He tried to ignore the dirty smell of the private library, and instead focus on the wonderful collection of novels there, but he had a hard time doing so. 

Instead of wasting his time letting his nostrils suffer, he reached for his journal and proceeded with the usual tradition. 

He reached onto the shelf in front of him, closing his eyes and skimming over the dust-coated books with swift fingers. He stopped randomly at one end of the shelf, and slid the closest book into his palm as he dragged it down. 

It was a random picking game that he chose for himself since he intended to read every single book in his grandfather’s library, and he wasn’t going to be picky about it.

The only thing grandfather was ever picky about were the dolphin cookie jar cookies.

==== ==== ==== ====

As the next day approached, he realized only now how early it was. Nearly four, if his clock read correctly. He turned one last page on his book and skimmed through it, reaching the chapter mark. He pulled out a leather strip and stuck it between the paper, closing the novel and setting it down in his chair as he strode out of the library.

It wasn’t the same, without them. 

Without any of them. 

He missed Eren’s determination; he missed Mikasa’s care. Hell, he even missed Jean’s attitude. 

Without them, he didn’t feel like himself anymore. 

He felt like he had lost everything.

And he had, in a sense. Ever since he was little he planned to explore the world. But without Eren and Mikasa there, he decided that it wouldn’t be worth it anymore. No matter how much the shadows of his dead parents pleaded with him, he couldn’t bring himself to take another step closer to that wall.

He had no more dreams, he decided. 

He would just live here in his grandfather’s memory and waste away until he joined him. He would not join the Survey Corps. He couldn’t handle the stress, after everything happened. He just wanted to finally settle down somewhere and return to the old bookworm he was, away from titans, away from danger. 

But he wasn’t counting on being away from his friends. 

He walked down the hallways with bare feet, taking deep breaths as he neared the window in the kitchen. He looked out at the night sky and exhaled. It was too dark to even see the horizon line, or the silhouettes of the houses, but it was just light enough to see the tiny glowing stars in the distance. 

He smiled.

Despite everything that happened, he could not just ignore yet another beauty. Another miracle. 

Another wonder. 

Before he began to mentally degrade himself about his friend’s absences, he decided to be thankful in hopes of abandoning his darker thoughts. He lived. He survived. He joined the Survey Corps and lived.

He was on Squad Levi. A real member.

His plans saved lives.

Before he could muse any further, a sudden noise jolted him. 

It sounded vaguely like a crash, or someone breaking the hinges on one of his doors. 

He gulped, stepping back. But as he heard small, whispering voices something snapped. 

“Shh, Arnold! We’re almost there!” A small, faint voice whispered. It was no doubt a little girl. 

“I’m trying!” Another voice hissed, and he was almost certain it belonged to a boy.

Before he had any more time to assess the situation, the two were standing before him. 

==== ==== ==== ====

They matched their voices perfectly.

The female, clothed in a small white dress and large, puffy yellow socks, presented herself with a courteous bow; whilst the male next to her, wearing an oversized raincoat and sandals, stood in disbelief. 

Armin had to remind himself that they were there and shook his head, unbelieving that they had broken into his home. 

Why on earth would they do tha-

“It’s... Armin... Arlert...” The small boy muttered, glancing up and down his frame, a small spreading to his large round face. “It’s Armin Arlert! Andrea, look! It’s him! It’s really him!”

“I know,” She replied, smiling warmly. “I found him for you, like I said I would.”

“Wait-,” Armin suddenly cut in, glancing down at the pair, which only came up to his elbow. “Are you saying you promised him you’d take him to come meet me?”

“Yes. It’s what sisters are for, after all,” The girl replied, and as soon as she did, Armin was put back into a haze.

The little boy – he looked nothing like Eren, with a head of red hair and moles freckled along his face – yet, Armin had already mentally assigned them to his absent friends. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle when the boy ran into him, nearly knocking him over as he hugged his waist. 

The three exchanged things about themselves, and Armin even let them spend the night, considering it was five in the morning already. 

He had now learned that it was this young male, Arnold’s, birthday. And his younger sister, Andrea, had done this all solely for that purpose. They asked him what it was like to be friends with Eren Jaeger, and what it was like to fight out over the walls.

He decided to dust over his tales with a fair amount of sugarcoating, if not to keep them happy. 

And then Andrea suddenly changed everything. 

He had let them use the guest bedroom, and tucked them both into the same bed. As he took their dirty cups from the hot chocolate, she was suddenly awake and whispering to him. 

“My friends tell me that you loved him,” She murmured. Before yawning, she muttered, 

“Did you love him, Armin?”

He hid his tears with his hands as he stepped away, chuckling to cover the despair in his voice. 

“Get some rest, Andrea. It was very sweet of you to do something for your brother’s birthday.”

He still couldn’t believe that the dolphin cookie jar sweets tasted much better to them the next day. 

Maybe it was just the kid in him that made himself think they tasted sweeter, too.


End file.
